Paul DenHartog

Chris and Dave said I was kind of a dick to Rob, and frankly I didn't mean to be. I just hated that first definition he gave, and I think I'm starting to be able to say why I hate imprecise words, or atleast why I can be a dick when words rub me wrong. Let me try to say it if I can. Say a woman is in a relationship. It's bad. She get's beat all that shit, use your imagination, or don't. She can do a lot to reinforce the behavior by using the word love in her thoughts about him. She loves him, he loves her. Sure it gets out of hand but they love each other, you know how that goes. Well Definitions, yes I used the capital d on purpose, are a worthy goal, like Science, but they are processes I think. A worthy process, but one that can be undertaken seriously and well, or casually and well not so well. So as a guy who was thinking about addiction in a pretty serious way and posting something about it, sure I was what some may call defensive. I think more true would be that I was aggressive, but whatever. I just wanted something more, something that would add to the process that was taking place in me. So while my situation isn't as bad as the lady I was talking about, its a good idea to think about what is happening, thats done mostly with words. I used to use naming the demon as a way of thinking about it, but thats a whole different post. Addiction I think is like a demon, or it can be. Figuring it out and finding out it's nature is maybe impossible, but the process is not, and I think it can be rewarding. If I was talking to that lady I mentioned, I would attack her definition of love. I would try to show that the relationship couldn't be the product of love. The abuse by my definition would only be able to happen when the presence of love is absent. It's in that way, a dialogue process that defines the word makes it more useful, even if is use is simply one of utility and not fact. That leads to a different problem but I've typed enough for now. So the moral of my little story tonight, if there is one, is that I can be touchy and interpreted as argumentitve, but I think it would be better said that I'm agressively invested. Sorry if that caused some problems. I didn't want to piss anyone off as much as get them as invested.

Sorry no paragraph markers Ed. How are you Ed?
BTW 3 days straight of drinking, been late to work alot too, but not because of pooping. It's ok they I said I would be before they hired me. The Balvenie 21 year portwood scotch is really nice.