GET ALL MEGA BEASTS

Sure DiD is dead, but that doesn't mean the style's done rocking. Basically, it's all inspired by Zork and other text adventures, which periodically I get back into.

The best text adventure of all time is Andrew Plotkin's "Spider and Web". Adam Cadre writes fantastic stuff too... "9:05" is horribly, awfully brilliant. The genius here comes from use- or abuse- of devices that only work in text adventures. A novel, comic, play, or movie format just wouldn't do it.

Anyway, I bring this up because Adam Cadre has a competition for the worst beginning line of a novel (under 25 words). Hilarity ensues.

Here ya go.

...

But if you're too lazy to click the link, here's some champions:

Get ready to take a virtual tour of sydney australia through the backyards of a kangaroo who will punch you in the head fifty times!

"Man, you won't believe what happened to me tonight," Dave declared, bursting into our dorm room, "but first I gotta go beat off!"


"I raped your sister," cruelly he sneered, "and now she is no problem," and my friends that is the day my heart tore a sunder.


The mega beasts were united by only one thing: their size.

The evil Intergalactic Emperor surveyed the destruction he wrought. "Booyah!" he cried with glee. "I'm in ur base! I'm killing all ur mans!"

MacGyver had grown old.


I know who the murderer is, Kevin blogged.


“Crime,” declared the police captain, “is everywhere, crime, crime!”


This is the story of your mom's life.