TEH SUCK

So I saw Lady in the Water yesterday. Without a doubt, without qualification, it's the worst movie I've ever seen. It was completely retarded from start to finish. It was like if Steven Spielberg took a dump, and his turd jumped up and wanted to make a movie. But not just any movie. A postmodern re-visioning of The Neverending Story. And then the turd sits in your mouth while you watch it. That's basically what it was like.

Please, America. Please, friends. DO NOT SEE LADY IN THE WATER. IT SUCKS SO SO SO BAD. You know how "M. Night" always has those twist endings? Here, let me spoil the ending for you, so you don't feel compelled to go see it. Here's the twist:

The dad who read the prophecies in the crossword puzzle is not the real prophecy reader! It's his son, who reads the prophecies on the cereal boxes!

And this is coming from someone who actually liked The Village. So in Lady in the Water, it opens with this stick figure cartoon for a couple minutes of the legend of the Ladies in the Waters. Well, once you've seen that, you've seen the whole movie. I'm not shitting you, there's this crappy voice-over narration that explains the whole legend. And then the movie shows you, over a painful two hours, the same story all over again. RETARDED.

There's so much more bad stuff, like how M. Night himself plays a guy who's prophecied to become the most important writer who ever lived, and how a giant eagle saves the day at the end. But here are two images that sum up the two main plot points.